Tag: jokes

The Rabbi, The Hat, and the Horses

Idiom of the Day

A Long Shot

Something that is very unlikely to happen

Algo com pouquíssimas chances de acontecer


This guy needed to study a little more Spanish!

On a very windy day, a rabbi was walking along when a strong gust of wind blew his hat off his head. The rabbi ran after the hat, but the wind was too strong. It kept blowing his hat farther and farther away. 

A kind young man, seeing what had happened, ran after the hat, caught it and gave it back to the rabbi. The rabbi was so grateful that he gave the young man 20 dollars and blessed him. The young man was so excited that he decided to go the race track and with the rabbi’s blessing, he decided to check the program and place the entire 20 dollars on a horse. 

After the races, he went home and recounted his very exciting day to his father. “I arrived at the fifth race and looked at the program. I saw this horse named ‘Top Hat’ was running. The odds on this horse were 100 to 1 but since I received the rabbi’s blessing, I bet the entire 20 dollars on ‘Top Hat’. Guess what? He won! In the next race, there was a horse named ‘Bowler’ at 30 to 1, so I bet the entire amount of my winnings on him, and guess what … I won again!” 

“So did you bring the money home?” asked his father. “No,” said the son, “I lost it all on the last race. There was a horse named ‘Chateau’ that was a heavy favorite so I bet everything on him, and since ‘Chateau’ means ‘hat’ in French I figured he was a sure thing.” “You fool!” said the father. “Hat in French is ‘chapeau,’ not ‘chateau!’” 

Sighing to himself, the father then asked, “So who did win the race?” “A real long shot,” said the son. “Some Spanish horse named ‘Sombrero’.”

Don’t Dig Up the Garden

Evitando as Brasileiradas

Como digo: “Ele pediu desculpas?



Apologize

“He apologized.”



Ask apology

To apologize já significa “Pedir…”

Don’t Dig Up the Garden!

An old man lived alone in the country. It was spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

“Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.”

A few days later he received a letter from his son: “Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried my weapons. Love, Vinnie.” 

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man’s house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn’t find any weapons, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son: 

“Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie.”

Atheists Need Holiday

Expression for today:

Dia da Mentira

Atheists need holiday

An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews, while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist’s lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, “Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood up and objected to the ruling. “Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, “Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!” 

The lawyer pompously said, “Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?”

The judge replied, “Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool’s Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!”

Enrich your Vocabulary

Gavel

Martelo de Juiz ou Leiloeiro

Lawsuit

Processo judicial

Lean Forward

Inclinar-se para frente

Recent Posts

Two Blondes and a Car

Word for today:

Break into

Arrombar

Two blondes were exiting a restaurant when they discovered, to their horror, that they had locked their keys in their car.

The one blonde says to the other, “What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?”

The other one replied, “No, people will think we’re trying to break in.”

The first one said, “Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?”

The second one answered, “No, people will think we’re too stupid to use the coat hanger.”

The first blonde said, “Well, we’d better think of something quick because it’s starting to rain and the sunroof is open.”

Shall we study a little?

Click the button for the interactive exercises

Now You’re Done For!

Word for today:

Booming Voice

A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors.

“I’m done for!” he cries in despair. “No, you are NOT!” – comes a booming voice from all around him. “Listen carefully, son, and do exactly what I say. Grab the spear from the man on your left and pierce it right through the heart of the chief.”

The man grabbed the spear and shoved it right through the chief, who collapses, dead. The remainder of the tribe stare at him in disbelief.

“Now what?” – the man asked. And the booming voice answers: “NOW, my son, you’re done for.”

Moral of the story? Not all voices come from above…

Shall we study a little?

Click the button for the interactive exercises